The important information here is that I need money to keep myself and my wife alive, and you can donate either through the donate button on my blog (which Paypal takes a cut from for using their button), or else by sending money directly through Paypal to mrsmctanuki@gmail.com
The less important details are that I am a homeless, physically and mentally disabled trans woman with a stroke condition (afaik, it doesn’t have a name; it killed my grandmother 4 years ago, it is killing my mother right now, and if I’m lucky, it’s going to be the thing that kills me). I get $148 a month from Washington State to pay for everything (plus a bit over $150 in food stamps). Unfortunately, that isn’t even quite half enough to buy my meds for the month, much less enough to pay for food or a place to live. I have a place I could be living in, but I need $1,000 for deposits and rent. We have our car to live in, but insurance on it is 80 bucks a month. I have Medicaid, but they specifically do not cover Schedule 1 medications, such as the ones I take to keep myself from stroking out again (I’ve already had a stroke, 4 years ago, which left me permanently blind on the left side). I’m currently making ends meet through sex work. On August 9th, I was bashed by police for being trans. You can read the full story here.
I need donations, from you, the person reading this. I currently have $0.37 to my name. A dollar, 10 cents, whatever you can spare, it’s a literal life-saver.
People call me an e-beggar because I need money. Well, yeah, I am literally begging you not to let me die. I am literally begging you to give me a place to live. Donate, reblog, write your congresspeople, do anything you can, because despite my frequent suicidal urges, I don’t want to die.
Rise in Suicide by Black Children Surprises Researchers
The suicide rate among black children has nearly doubled since the early 1990s, while the rate for white children has declined, a new study has found, an unusual pattern that seemed to suggest something troubling was happening among some of the nation’s most vulnerable citizens.
The way the children were dying seemed to provide some clues to the trend. Dr. Christine Moutier, chief medical officer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, who read the study, pointed out that gun deaths among white boys had gone down by about half while staying about the same for black boys, signaling that gun safety education may not be reaching black communities as effectively as white ones.
Suicides by hanging, on the other hand, roughly tripled among black boys, while remaining virtually unchanged for whites.
She said the traditionally lower rates for blacks had often been attributed to strong social networks and family support, religious faith and other cultural factors. “That makes me wonder whether there is something in those protective factors that may have shifted in the wrong direction over those two decades,” she said.
Two days ago my sister passed away suddenly. She was only 16 years old and was a strong member of JROTC and an active member of GSA. She struggled with bullying and depression throughout school but was really trying to get herself back on her feet. Unfortunately she could not shake the endless sadness she felt and took her own life.
Now we want to put her to rest but the total cost is about 15K to take her back home to Kenya along with the cost of the funeral and memorial service. Please help us by spreading this and if you can donate to this site:
We are accepting all forms of donations whether it’s a dollar, five dollars or one hundred dollars.
If you have any questions or concerns about donating please email me at muthoni.waiguchu@yahoo.com
Thank you so much for your support
Some of the posts I’ve seen lately (particularly those about LGBTQ youth suicides), as well as the general way I’ve seen people on tumblr tending to talk about suicide, have seriously concerned me as potential causes of suicide contagion.
Suicide contagion (or “copycat suicide”) refers to the phenomenon of a spike in suicides (or “suicide cluster”) that emulate an original “model” suicide, the details of which have been highly publicized without taking protective measures.
In order to prevent this, most media outlets have guidelines to encourage the responsible coverage of suicide (in extreme cases, the mention of suicide is completely banned). Unfortunately, people posting on social media sites and blogs are not subject to the same guidelines and may not be aware of the potentially devastating impact that their actions could have. To help people discuss suicide in a responsible way, I’ve compiled a list of some of the factors that can cause suicide contagion.
Factors that can contribute to suicide contagion effect:
-glamorizing of the suicide or the deceased; implying that their death was purposeful, noble, or heroic in any way; (specific to LGBTQ people) turning the deceased into a martyr for the cause
-sharing details of the method of death (especially graphic or explicit details or photos)
-sharing photos of the death, funeral, or memorials
-quoting or sharing excerpts from or complete suicide notes
-implying that one specific event triggered a suicide; ignore the multitude of factors that contribute to suicide
-using dramatic, sensationalist or graphic language and images; repeated discussion or coverage of a suicide
-presenting suicide as a viable, valid, or liberating option
-referring to a suicide as successful/failed rather than using more neutral language such as completed/attempted
-turning the deceased’s social media pages into memorials especially without careful moderation to delete potentially dangerous posts
-failing to share suicide prevention resources in posts/articles about suicide
This is not to say that the victims of suicide should not be mourned or remembered, but that we must do so in a conscientious way. The people who are most vulnerable to suicide contagion are those who occupy the same or similar demographic categories as the deceased. When we talk about the suicides of LGBT youth carelessly we are putting the most vulnerable members of our community at risk. Please keep these guidelines in mind when you are deciding what to post and reblog!
Recommendations for Reporting on Suicide
And finally, if you are considering suicide or think someone you know may be PLEASE seek help. Stay safe and look out for each other and for yourselves.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US): 1 (800) 273-8255
The Trevor Project Lifeline (Specifically for LGBTQ Youth): 866-488-7386
For those of you who don’t know (and I didn’t until I was forced to watch the trailer), “Unfriended” is a paranormal horror movie about the ghost of a girl who commits suicide after being cyberbullied. (basically.)
The trailer is framed initially with web searches of “Laura Barns” with various autocompletes, starting with “passed out video”, moving on to “bullied”, “suicide”, and finally “revenge”.
The trailer includes a non-graphic snapchat of what’s implied to be her suicide, as well as sudden screams and a jump scare.
And it’s one of the short ones, so you can’t skip it.
If you’re prone to anxiety attacks and/or are triggered by this kind of content, close the video if the ad starts with a screen googling “Laura Barns”.
Please spread this for people who could be upset by it similarly or even worse than I was.
here’s the thing about those self-care posts that have been getting aggressively hated on lately: it feels like people are interpreting it to be like… that’s what you’re supposed to do all the time, drink tea and ignore responsibilities and sit in a blanket cocoon on your bed, it will all be fine!!! take care of yourself!!! the world is cruel and mean so just ignore it and look at pictures of flowers instead of dealing with your responsibilities!!! and then they respond by acting all disgusted and bitter about how it’s completely unrealistic and unhealthy and isn’t recovery and won’t get you anywhere.
but like. that’s not it. you’re interpreting it wrong. and if people are trying to use those posts that way, as an enabling mechanism to never ever ever do anything, they’re interpreting it wrong too.
those things are meant to be a respite. because the entire rest of the world is already telling someone that they have to get off their ass and slog their way through exhaustion and self-hatred and depression and anxiety and whatever else to be a member of society like they’re supposed to, that they’re lazy otherwise. those sweet and soft self care mechanisms come into play when you really just need something to remind you that life is not always pure hell, that you are already strong for doing what you do and it’s okay if for a little while you can’t be strong or you need to recharge because you just can’t do it anymore.
someone telling you that it’s okay if your spine is not always made of steel can make a world of difference. taking time for yourself can give you the chance you need to pull yourself back together after a really hard week so you can throw yourself back into the fray.
i don’t know what straw-man you’re attacking thinking that the people for whom self-care things are helpful or reassuring are entirely reliant on them or, god help you, avoiding recovery because they desperately want some niceness in their lives, or to hear someone for once saying it’s okay. let me tell you, we all still know life exists and that we have to live it, we know responsibilities need taking care of. some of us, surprise, actually are pretty good at still getting those things done.
if you don’t like gentle self-care posts and tactics, that’s fine. if you’re of the tough love mentality and find it works for you, i seriously respect that. i do. but please for the love of god do not purposefully misinterpret and then make these sneering posts about how people are taking care of themselves wrong. i don’t know what you hope to accomplish by guilt-tripping people like that.
seriously, i don’t know what’s up with this increase of “tumblr self-care posts are annoying and make people avoid recovery, sometimes you need to push yourself to do things you don’t want to” shit as if it’s a new mentality? as if no one has ever told someone with a mental illness that they just need to “get up” or “get over it” or “push through.” as if that’s not the dominant mode of thought towards mentally ill people.
as if a lot of us don’t live with guilt and self-disgust and shame because our houses are filthy and we haven’t showered and we can’t even do something as simple as brush our teeth. like, it’s really amazing that people are circling back around to “just make yourself do it” as if that’s ever been helpful. as if that’s ever been something that works for all people who can’t even peel themselves out of bed to go take a piss because the thought of movement or life or being awake or alive is crushing.
before i went into the hospital, i would go literally days without moving unless being helped by my roommate. I struggled to go to the bathroom, i couldn’t feed myself. if you really think posts that try to alleviate the painful guilt and self-hate that comes along with missing days of work or class are just trying to give people a “feel good out” or a pass on not functioning you’re missing the point in such a huge way it’s almost impressive.
like, please understand that sometimes when you want to die, it’s not just that you don’t have the energy to do “normal” human things like eat and go to school. sometimes you can’t even make your tea. or watch your movie. or feel comfortable in your blanket fort. sometimes you stare at the ceiling for hours, without sleep, wishing that you would just fucking die and figuring out how to make it happen. so excuse me for finding a fluffy self care post that makes me feel like less of an inhuman pile of trash that encourages me to be nice to myself helpful. just because i am sick doesn’t mean i don’t deserve to be nice to myself, even when i’m gross and sad and suicidal and self-harming and manic.
if you’re the kind of person who managed to get through those dark periods with the “just force yourself” mentality, that’s awesome and I’m really proud of you. but please don’t impose that on all of us and don’t act like we haven’t heard this shit a million times. stop shitting on how people take care of themselves and stop reinforcing the idea that we’re “avoid reality” when we’re fucking sick.
Eylül Cansın committed suicide in Istanbul by jumping off the Bosphorus Bridge the night before.
Her name was Eylül Cansın, please make this go as viral as Leelahs story.
An extract from the video she shared just two hours before committing suicide:
"I couldn’t. I couldn’t because people did not let me. I couldn’t work, I wanted to do stuff, I couldn’t… You get me? They impeded with me many times; they made me suffer a lot."
Eylül Cansın was a victim of systematic and pervasive transphobia that blocked her from pursuing life goals and achievements as simple as getting a job. If you think this isn’t a huge issue, you’re wrong. The system does not support trans women. It is up to us to draw attention to this and to have the system that failed this woman changed so it does not continue to fail many more.
This makes me so angry. She dishonors Leelah’s identify and memory even in death, pulls attention to herself as the grieving parent, and clearly still doesn’t get that it is her actions and treatments that pushed Leelah to take that step.
RIP Leelah Alcorn.
God dammit! OK, listen up, my dear trans babies. I know that you’re hurting. Probably hurting a lot like Leelah was, but I want you to see two things here.
Leelah committed suicide because she couldn’t see any way to escape. Her voice was actively silence and her story ignored in favor of a fantasy that her parents wrote. She felt powerless, alone and afraid. That’s because her parents WANTED that for her to make her feel like the only choice available to her was to conform to their narrative. She found a different choice, but one that ultimately gave her parents the final control over her story, her life, and now, her death.
She realized she couldn’t begin transition until she was at least 18 and legally responsible for her own medical care, and someone gave her the terrible, wrongheaded and dangerous belief that that was TOO LATE to transition and “pass” and find love.
She was wrong. I know many gorgeous and happy trans men women who transitioned in their 20s, 30s, 40s and later and have found the life they always wanted. Please don’t internalize that bullshit that your chances to transition end at 18 or 21 or 25 or 30 or whatever. It’s never too late. Never.
But the real lesson I want you to take from Leelah’s death here is that she’s gone, forever, and even though she did everything she could to make sure that her story was known and heard by queueing up that post, her mother is still ignoring all of that for this fucking bullshit narrative she made up about her darling SON accidentally being hit by a truck on a morning walk, instead of facing the fact that her daughter committed suicide because she saw no other way out.
If you’re feeling like Leelah, alone, afraid, powerless and like there’s a ticking clock counting down your chance to transition, please know that there is no peace in death.
There is no guarantee that your suicide will make anyone see anything they don’t want to.
This mother is still willfully and actively ignoring, denying and mythologizing her child’s life and death. Leelah has finally lost her voice forever. The news articles will fade, the tumblr posts will vanish, and this horrid person will be telling tales about the tragic accident that took her son from her until the day she dies. Her suicide solved nothing for her. She will never see the amazing woman she’d have grown up to be. And neither will her mother.
The only chance you have to be the narrator of your own story is to stay alive, get out, get away, find your power, find your voice, find your real family - the people who know you and see you for who you are, people who hear you when you tell your story, people who will defend and protect you at all costs. We are here, waiting for you with our arms and our hearts open. Please, I know you’re in a terrible and seemingly unbearable place and environment. The only comfort I can offer is that the world doesn’t stop turning, time doesn’t stop and this moment isn’t the last moment. Please find a way to bide your time, to hold on for one more day, one more hour, one more minute, though it seems eternal, this moment is temporary.
I can’t guarantee your future happiness or that your life will be easy, but none of us, trans or cis, get any such guarantee. The only guarantee you get is that if you kill yourself, you’ll NEVER have the chance to find and build a happy life.
Every storm passes, every rain cloud moves on, and nothing in this world is permanent. This pain of your present will become the aches of your past.
Please stay alive. Please hold on until you can escape from there and come home. Our light is on and our door is open.
US: (877) 565-8860
Canada: (877) 330-6366
Screen caps of four tweets from Janet Mock
First tweet: Dear Leelah: I’m sorry the world was not ready for you. Not ready to care for you + protect #girlslikeus. You mater. (link to Leelah’s suicide note)
Second tweet: I shared Leelah’s suicide note versus reports because they are her words, her final testament. Nothing is more valuable than what she herself wrote.
Third tweet: Leelah’s note checked parents on intolerance, challenged medical gatekeepers, highlighted power of social media, and upheld self-determination.
Fourth tweet: Leelah bid farewell because she could not live her life AND be truly seen. We all just want to be seen and/or just be. Let folks f*king BE.
For the first time, there is a hotline in the US that is staffed entirely by transgender people, to serve transgender people. Everyone in the trans community needs to be spreading this around. Lives could be saved.
You can reach Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860
San Francisco-based Trans Lifeline has collected an all-trans staff of volunteers who aim to make the crisis hotline experience more comfortable and accessible for trans callers.boooooooooooooooooost
San Francisco-based Trans Lifeline has collected an all-trans staff of volunteers who aim to make the crisis hotline experience more comfortable and accessible for trans callers.
boooooooooooooooooost
PSA: even if a post is talking about preventing suicide and giving reasons not to commit suicide, it’s still about suicide. you should still tag for suicide related triggers. ESPECIALLY if it has graphic descriptions of suicide!!!!! thnx!!!!
Can we please, please talk about or at least acknowledge Simone Battle? A 25 year old black female singer who just committed suicide a few days ago?
High profile suicides are always white girls. Black girls’ stories are always swept aside. Please, let’s not let Simone Battle’s go unnoticed.
about how people who kill themselves shouldn’t be defined by it?
like people can fight the desire to kill themselves 1000 times
and then when they die it’s like
“oh, they LOST”
they didn’t lose, it’s 1000 to 1
This is exactly what I want to remind people of today re: Robin Williams
There are going to be people out there who are feeling like: ‘if he couldn’t do it, how can I?’
He did do it, though. He won. For 63 years he beat that shit.
When you live with mental illness, you can face suicidal ideation on a daily basis (I know I do). And for 63 years he did. He succeeded, he excelled, and (for his time) managed to do it with compassion, ethics, and empathy.
He is not, to me, someone who ‘failed to fight mental illness and addiction’.
He was victorious for 30 years longer than I have been. For many years longer than many of us make it. He is a winner and we can all be inspired by how long he survived and by the life he lived. He makes me feel like I can make it another 30 at least.
Robin Williams: 63 years a winner.
