I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

*closes fridge door and hears stuff fall in it*

well… sounds like a problem for the next person

old ass ppl talk shit about my generation until they accidentally disable their wifi and cant figure out how to turn it back on

then im suddenly the mastermind of information & resources

there is a correct way to layer clothes and i’m sorry but disney channel that is not the correct way

finding someone who ships the same unpopular pairing as you

i get anxious for people who fall asleep on public transit. like where is your home? how many stops have you missed? this was not a time for a nap