• he’s nice and i like him
  

THAT NO PROOF AND BESIDE HE HAD A WIFE IN THE EU

brexit killed the eu you insensitive fuck

what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.

the gap also has “girlfriend jeans” which made me perk up for about .2 seconds before i remembered how straight women use the word girlfriend. though i still don’t really understand what exactly that’s supposed to convey about the jeans

“‘The Girlfriend is a more feminine version of the boyfriend jean cut, so yes, you could say she’s you!’ explains TOPSHOP Jeans Buyer Keda Rich.”

the jeans marketing has looped back on itself. normal women’s jeans, but about men somehow

I’d be scared to put those jeans on, they’re so conceptually complicated they might flip my ass into a mirror universe

ass is so boring whats the appeal

listen man. pack ya shit. pack ya shit, get the fuck off my dash. u gonna go? get out. get tf out.

people poop from there you sick freak

A N U S   A I N ’ T   A S S   M Y   D U D E

do microwaves in other countries have different quick setting buttons? are american microwaves the standard? do people outside the u.s. have a potato button, is what i want to know.

Mexican here, we have potato button

I’m in Brazil and here we don’t have a potato button, we have a rice button.

I’m from the Netherlands and we have a potato button:)

In Scotland and we have a potato button but not on all microwaves just the nice ones.

In France I had a microwave with a chicken button and a breadloaf button

I’m from England and I didn’t know potato buttons were even a thing

Potato Button:

• United States
• Mexico
• Canada
• Netherlands
• Posh Scotland

Rice Button:

• Brazil

Breadloaf Button???:

• France

No Dedicated Carbs Button:

• England

okay i got sick of waiting for answers so i hopped onto some international versions of amazon and here is what i found:

• australian amazon only sells books?? what the fuck
• same for chinese amazon but that’s not as surprising
  
• german microwaves have a potato button, but only when there are buttons. most of these things have dials. like… what. only weird fancy american microwaves have dials. also i saw a yogurt button.
• indian microwaves seem to generally feature a ‘stuffed veg’ button instead of a potato-specific button. there is also a rice button. but do you know what else is standard. A GODDAMNED CHICKEN TANDOORI BUTTON. FUCK ME.
• german and indian microwaves both had beverage buttons, which was not a surprise, but they also both had pizza buttons, which WAS a surprise. the indian microwaves called it a bread snack but it was clearly a picture of a pizza. why is the pizza button more universal than the potato button??
  
• japanese microwaves have rice buttons and not potato buttons. no surprises there. the big surprise is that they also favor the dial. for that matter india had a lot of microwaves with dials, too. what gives. why the dials. where are your flat, easy to clean buttons.
• according to italian amazon, in italian you call a kitchenaid stand mixer a “robot da cucina”. that is the cutest fucking thing i have ever heard. but back to microwaves. once again i’m seeing a lot of dials. you know these aren’t real ovens, right? why are you adjusting the strength so much. keep it on high and hit the one minute button. stop complicating things with dials. a lot of these are just rebranded german microwaves, so there is a potato button, and also a yogurt button.
• see above for spain. y’all just have the same microwave. spain’s amazon is a lot less intuitive than every other country’s. i don’t know why. spanish amazon, please fix your menu system. it is wrong.

This concludes my fact-finding mission. Australia, why are your microwaves so mysterious.

I love the words “potato button”

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

jerry is here