Aries, Taurus, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Aquarius

you like seashells
but you wouldn’t
eat sand
or
fuck the ocean

zodiac-advice which signs like seashells, eating sand, or fucking the ocean

Likes seashells: Aquarius, Pisces, Cancer, Libra
Eating sand: Taurus, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Fucking the ocean: Leo, Scorpio, Aries, Gemini

Aries- Bull Shark 

-highly aggressive,

-most dangerous shark in the world

Taurus- Tiger Shark 

-large sharks, extremely dangerous to people when provoked

-eats anything 

Gemini- Mako Shark

-extremely aggressive

-fastest species of shark 

Cancer- Nurse Shark

-normally docile and calm

-becomes extremely aggressive when assumed to be harmless

Leo- Great White Shark 

-Most well known shark, what most people immediately think of when they think “shark”

-big and imposing 

-thought to be extremely dangerous but is actually rarely aggressive past curiosity 

Virgo- Thresher Shark

-Uses precision of tail to stun or kill prey

-beautiful rainbow shaped tail

Libra- Leopard Shark

-extremely social, lives in schools

-easily identified by beautiful markings

Scorpio- Goblin Shark

-fearsome looking 

-extremely precise and skillful 

Sagittarius- Hammerhead Shark

-one of the most effective hunters

-senses movement of stingrays

-embarks on huge summertime migrations 

Capricorn- Frilled Shark

-traditional fossil shark (very little change over the years of evolution)

-rarely seen and does poorly in captivity 

Aquarius- Megalodon 

-extinct, but when they existed they were the largest marine animal to ever live

-fantastic and massive hunters

-still perplexes scientists 

Pisces- Whale Shark 

-large but gentle and slow moving

-playful and non-aggressive with divers

-gives rides

ARIES
outward: snarky, charismatic, exuding an aura of confidence mixed with superiority, ambitious and willing to do whatever they can to achieve their goals, assertive, impatient, strong physical energies 
inward: wildly intelligent, existential, well-intentioned and seeking to self-improve, thoughtful, loyal, frustrated and overly critical of themselves, desiring control 

TAURUS
outward: stubborn, hardworking, super cute, patient, very committed and focused to whatever they’re doing at the moment, great listeners
inward: always excited about relaxation and downtime, those people who wake up in the morning and are already looking forward to climbing back into bed, hopeless romantics, fearful of change, emotional, analytical

GEMINI
outward: talkative, blurs of motion, excitable, lovers of debate and low-key always looking for a friendly fight, adventurous, internalizes stress to the point where it becomes physical illness, curious, expressive, fun-loving, adaptable and able to get along with many different types of people
inward: talks to themselves in the shower and goes over possible argument positions just in case someone tries to start shit. excellent writers, philosophical, thoughtful, always seeking stimulation and fulfillment, conflicted in their own thoughts, can often feel isolated within themselves and misunderstood 

CANCER:
outward: heart-on-sleeve type of people, extremely supportive, excellent maternal instincts- the “mom” at all the parties who takes care of too-drunk friends, always looking to help others, easily teary, communicative, kind, thoughtful and excellent gift givers
inward: creative, sensitive, spiritually and karmically mature, understanding of their need to feel things fully, meditative, lovers of quiet and alone time, always seeking understanding from other people and genuinely deep connections

LEO: 
outward: loud, bright and sunshiney, natural leaders, energetic, affectionate, extremely generous, proud, protective over and loyal to others, dramatic, flirty, demanding and resilient with a visibly strong spirit, able to naturally attract people, queen bees
inward: interested in making life better for themselves and for others, always trying to look at things positively, idealistic, highly emotional, perfectionists, constantly nursing their tender egos, constantly trying to fully understand themselves, relying on gut instinct

VIRGO
outward: skeptical and critical of the world around them, organized, clean, cautious, practical, hard-workers, naturally intelligent, visible perfectionists, fascinating people to talk to, dedicated, detail-oriented, looking for simple pleasures in life
inward: realistic, highly critical of themselves, able to remember a great deal of information easily, passionate about particular things that they love, can often feel a heavy self-imposed pressure to succeed, focused on the moment, prideful in the quality of their work 

LIBRA
outward: flirty, people-pleasers, outgoing, charming and eloquent communicators, love to be shown affection, argument mediators, reasonable, graceful, those people who look like they never have an off day, dedicated to their appearances
inward: indecisive, understanding of others and very capable of understanding many different perspectives, calm, naturally inclined towards contentedness- and determined to find contentedness even when their situations seem shitty, hopeless romantics, creative 

SCORPIO
outward: intimidating, magnetic, overtly sexual, hard to approach for many people but everyone wants to approach them anyway, impossible to ignore, often effortlessly the center of attention, masterful in their chosen disciplines, influential
inward: controlled by their emotions, constantly questioning themselves, seeking approval from others, can often be self-destructive, obsessive, determined, self-interested, sensitive, fighting spirit

SAGITTARIUS
outward: popular, jovial, spontaneous, effortlessly good with people and attractive to others, competitive, relentless with whatever they set their minds to, always on the go, notorious show-offs,  feeling as though the world is their oyster and ready to work hard to find what it has to offer
inward: strong sense of self, unafraid of new things and taking risks, optimistic, independent, always thinking about the big picture, always craving understanding of themselves and the world, strong gut feelings

CAPRICORN
outward: hardworking and ambitious, down-to-earth, aloof exterior, mysterious, mature, always appearing in control, consistent, guarded, very responsible with a clear idea of what they’re meant to be doing at any moment, practical and methodical, self-sufficient, extremely capable
inward: traditional, level-headed, patient, realistic, excellent judges of character who rely on gut instinct to tell them who to trust, resilient, strong, courageous, with good humor and a genuine interest in others lying at their core beings

AQUARIUS
outward: very friendly and open, unique, independent, often seen as true individuals, original, creative, spirited and energetic, inspirational, with a universally accepting attitude towards all people, and a detached/thoughtful way of looking at the world
inward: sensitive, caring, opinionated to the point of stubbornness, open-minded, unwilling to let go once they commit to something, curious, always thinking and considering all possibilities, clever, capable of personal transformation 

PISCES
outward: very mature, compassionate, loving, sensitive to the energies around them, instinctive with other people’s emotions, thoughtful with conversation and advice, receptive, gentle, always appearing as an older wiser soul despite actual age
inward: daydreamers, extremely reliant on gut instinct and uncanny abilities for prediction, idealistic, emotional, very intelligent, interested in culture, hypersensitive and will often absorb negative energy, observant to the point of feeling isolated or disconnected

aries: vodka aunt
taurus: bbq dad
gemini: racist grandma
cancer: wine mom
leo: golf uncle
virgo: gay cousin
libra: cigarette aunt
scorpio: pervy uncle
sagittarius: immobile grandpa
capricorn: republican stepdad
aquarius: sports cousin
pisces: strawberry candy grandma