Avoidant Personality Disorder is one of the least spoken about personality disorders, probably due to the nature of the disorder itself. It’s no surprise that many people who have AvPD never get diagnosed or seek professional help for it, thus the research dwindles. We know what the DSM considers criteria for diagnosis. But what about other symptoms? It’s hard to find anything other than that we can be withdrawn/shy and experience severe, low self-esteem.
I’ve compiled a list of a few symptoms that seem to affect the majority (but maybe not all) of people who have AvPD, such as:
- Fantasy living, which can be very different from avoidant to avoidant. Some daydream as much as possible. Some become deeply rooted enough in these fantasies to prefer them over real life. But not all fantasy living is like this! It can be constant internet use, as well as general constant media consumption such as videogames, books and television.
- Coming across as aloof, distant, and wary rather than shy and nervous. Think of the social anxious person wringing their hands in the back of the party versus the avoidant person that denied the invitation in the first place with seemingly little regard.
- Making themselves someone easy to reject in order to cope with their fear of rejection. i.e. If someone is persisting on getting too close, an avoidant can quickly become rude and unwelcoming in order to steer that person away from them. This can sometimes involve ‘testing’ people who are close to see if they will abandon you.
- Developing a ‘safe person’. This is a person you trust and do not have as many ‘symptoms’ around. An avoidant will often consider this person a safe haven and absolutely no one else. This appears to be most common in people with AvPD who have been child abuse victims, and also tends to be more common those with dependent traits.
- Showing less symptoms when in a familiar, routined environment. While avoidants have a harder time staying in school and getting a job, many will do better in an autonomous, familiar environment. Some may have spaces where they show no symptoms at all.
- Having a constant numbness and disconnect from the world. Mix fantasy living with the thirst for autonomy, and you have someone living in their head while doing the same thing every day. General dissociation is very common for someone with AvPD.
- Self-deserting behaviour. Avoidance is not always just about avoiding other people. Much of AvPD is the avoidance of the self. Many have identity issues because they’re actively seeking ways to desert themselves, and become just as disconnected from themselves as they are the rest of the world.
- Developing phobias as ways to cope. For example, I have emetophobia, which I often use without realizing as a reason to not party, to not go out to eat, and to stay in if certain other conditions could make me sick. This also tends to happen because a phobia is more easily sympathized with by others as a reason for avoidance.
- Speaking too little or too much. While many people with AvPD are silent and speak little/slowly, others can have a habit of feeling they speak too much. Many will talk out of anxiety and later on, they will be left with the sensation of rejection and/or that they have revealed too much, and use that as reason to retreat.
I know it’s a bit text heavy, but I hope this can be helpful! This is only a small list, but these things seem to be more encompassing than other things I could have potentially added.
If you ever are unsure of whether or not something is a symptom, please feel free to message us. We are not professionals, but we are community-based and can bring you as much input from other avoidants as possible.
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