零 (ling)/30s (THEY/THEM/佢)
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An Incomplete List of Noteable People I’ve Delivered Pizzas To
tybaar

It’s coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever-expanding “WTFPIZZA” note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh - interesting deliveries.

So without further ado and in no particular order, here’s some pizza customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far:

- A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash.

- A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining “In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be.”

- At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice.

- An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, if I could load it for her (I didn’t).

- A group of EMT’s hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recently extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire.

- A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door.  He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was “obstructing the mail system” and demanded my social security number so he could “report me to the proper authorities”.

- A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them.

- A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots.  They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them.

- A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans.

- Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh)

- A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the “spitting image” of his deceased daughter.

- A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote “get a real car” in the tip portion of my credit receipt.

- A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us.  He did the duck lips thing in every shot.

- Multiple prank deliveries (joke’s on you motherfucker, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered)

- An elderly man who wrote “FUCK OFF” as his signature on a credit receipt.

- A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he “works so hard”.  He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn’t do anything.

- A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door.  Multiple knockings were of no avail.

- A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I’m female.  She proceeded to snatch my driver’s license out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me.

- A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double XP!)

- A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose.  He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt.

- An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza.

- A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote “0.00” in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me.  It said “pizza tip” in the “For” section.

- A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (I kept track) all about how long it took for her delivery to get to her.  She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dollar order.  I dunno.

- An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober.  When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked terrified, sat down on the floor and muttered “I… I don’t know….”

- Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis

- A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately turned to vomit into her mailbox.

- A surly Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman.

- A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color.  I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere.

- A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did.  And perfectly, I may add.

- A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldn’t hear anything he was saying.

- An elderly guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him hollowpoint bullets.

- An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didn’t have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios instead.  It took me three weeks to finish the bag.

shinxy-in-wonderland

this was so worth reading

femmefandom: “This Buzzfeed article does a great job of gathering some of the most potent social media postings about Zayn Malik’s separation from One Direction. Some are funny, some are sad, some are really super dramatic. But what aren’t funny are...
femmefandom

This Buzzfeed article does a great job of gathering some of the most potent social media postings about Zayn Malik’s separation from One Direction. Some are funny, some are sad, some are really super dramatic.

But what aren’t funny are the comments on this article. In the comment section, older people and people who feel they’re “above” the boy band, bash on the young girls’ reactions to Zayn’s departing.

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This is gross.

Okay, so yes. The world is not over. The apocalypse has not arrived. Death is not knocking on my door. But a very important figure in pop culture has just rocked the current face of entertainment.

Zayn Malik is one of the only Pakistani celebrities in all of Western pop culture. His presence in a popular boy band has been crucial and uplifting for many Muslims and people of color. The kid has an amazing voice and he’s put up with a ridiculous amount of shit over the course of the last 5 years. The fact that he has left One Direction is not a throw-away, frivolous event, but something that has connotations and deeper meaning across our popular culture.

That is what’s happening today. And I don’t care if you feel sad about it. It’s very possible that you do not and will not feel the repercussions of this event. This, however, does not mean you should disrespect those who do.

Here is something for your consideration:

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When a sports team loses or an athlete is traded, people cry. They cry, they get angry, they scream at their TVs. Sound familiar? The only difference between this picture:

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And this one:

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Or this picture:

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And this:

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Is the gender and age of the crying parties.

The reaction to Zayn’s leaving One Direction is being laughed at, brushed off, and mocked because it is young girls who are presenting it. To dismiss the emotions of teenage girls is dangerous, antifeminist, and ignorant.

As for comments like this:

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Sure, you’re right, Sara. They aren’t The Beatles. But they are The Beatles of our generation. They have roused the same enthusiasm, garnered the same fan base, and appealed to the same audience demographic as The Beatles did in their day.

To make the easy comparison, here’s a picture of The Beatles’ fans:

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And here’s one of One Direction’s fans:

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One Direction is a band that has had a positive and lasting effect on many people, has brought together friendships, and has helped many young girls to feel beautiful and part of something important. Do not dismiss the emotions and reactions to this event just because of who they’re coming from. No one is asking you to like or care about One Direction. Just don’t be a dick.

“How is Nicki Minaj being discredited?”
greed

Iggy azalea had ONE O N E song that hit the mainstream, and she had EVERYONE calling her the queen of rap. It took ONE hit song from a white girl who can’t even rap to take away all the progress Nicki had made.

Nicki Minaj has been making history CONSTANTLY, surpassing LEGENDS on the charts. She made female rap relevant again. She has her own brand selling anything from clothes, to perfume, to moscato. SHE HAS DONE SO MUCH and has even been a good influence on women. Telling them to be sexy but smart. But people were so quick to write her off and has ALWAYS done that because she’s a black woman.

When Nicki is a little risqué the media and everyone else calls her a whore, slut, attention seeker, publicity whore, and so on. When Miley Cyrus poses nude she’s daring, shocking, sexy, bold, and so on.

But to the people who constantly discredit Nicki and always talk down about her, keep talking. She’s still going to be making history, and she’s still going to be making them coinz

Track
Boss Ass Bitch (Remix)
Artist
Nicki Minaj ft PTAF
templodelaluna

*meditates and chants this*

mangoestho

I said rule number one to be a boss ass bitch
Neva let a clown nigga try to play you
If he play you, then rule number two
Fuck his best friends, then make ‘em yes men
And get a dick pic and then you press send
And send a red heart, and send a kissy face
And tell him that his friends love how ya pussy taste
And that’s rule three, I am the school t
My wrist look like I am a jewel thief
But that’s just ‘cause I am a boss bitch
Now macaroni cheese and grill my sword fish

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

why people don't fuck with your sign
  1. Aries: you're too rash and too extra about everything
  2. Taurus: you want people to give you the entire world but find it hard to sacrifice for others
  3. Gemini: people can usually tell how fake you're gonna be within the 3 seconds of meeting you
  4. Cancer: you complain 24/7 and pity yourself too much
  5. Leo: you act very modest and lowkey when you first meet people but you progressively become loud, annoying, and cocky without realizing and it throws people off
  6. Virgo: you go off on people for the slightest reasons
  7. Libra: you don't have a mind of your own
  8. Scorpio: you're resting bitch face makes you look intimidating and unapproachable
  9. Sagittarius: you secretly want people to worship the ground you step on and can't control what comes out of your mouth
  10. Capricorn: you're extremely depressing to be around especially when you're not in control of a situation/don't get what you want
  11. Aquarius: you have a really bad god complex
  12. Pisces: you're oblivious to everything around you and it makes people feel like you're neglecting them even though you're not
earth-dad

Aries: you're too rash and too extra about everything Taurus: you want people to give you the entire world but find it hard to sacrifice for others Gemini: people can usually tell how fake you're gonna be within the 3 seconds of meeting you Cancer: you complain 24/7 and pity yourself too much Leo: you act very modest and lowkey when you first meet people but you progressively become loud, annoying, and cocky without realizing and it throws people off Virgo: you go off on people for the slightest reasons Libra: you don't have a mind of your own Scorpio: you're resting bitch face makes you look intimidating and unapproachable Sagittarius: you secretly want people to worship the ground you step on and can't control what comes out of your mouth Capricorn: you're extremely depressing to be around especially when you're not in control of a situation/don't get what you want Aquarius: you have a really bad god complex Pisces: you're oblivious to everything around you and it makes people feel like you're neglecting them even though you're not

pendejx

They don’t want us in their country but they love our food huh?

your-personal-freakshow

We don’t want you in our country illegally. We want you in America once you get your green card and once all of you learn how to speak English and not expect us to speak Spanish in our own English speaking country. I shouldn’t have to press 1 for English. /endrant

officialikercasillas

ok hold up……

your own english speaking country? ????? ??

the united states aint even got an official language and if you’re gonna say shit like ‘our own country’ this nation aint even yours originally. white ppl took it from native americans.

you wanna bitch about having to press an extra button on the telephone? how fucking lazy you gotta be??? you’re basically saying fuck all people who don’t know english (or are still in the process of learning it but you aint even gonna acknowledge them?) and diminishing the courtesy of having multiple languages available for others to understand JUST for the sake of being an asshole. 

now lemme hit up your tags 

#I’m not racist #I just hate you fucks that come in here expecting a free ride #expecting me to know how to speak Spanish in America and get mad at me cause I can’t

also since you clearly don’t understand this… there aren’t any latin@s or other immigrants coming here expecting a FREE RIDE. you wanna know the shit immigrants have to endure to put up with spoiled ass kids like you who look down on them as inferior? you cant even grasp the basics at why we come to this country in the first place. and now let me ask you one time any one has expected you to speak spanish ? cuz i’m pretty sure you pulled that from your ass

keep on saying you aint racist bc the whole attitude you have going on right now is sure racist as hell 

Golden Globes
thechanelmuse

Ricky Gervais called Quvenzhané Wallis “Qwever-johnny Wallis.” Talking ‘bout, “I was practicing how to say her name right all night, so I wouldn’t have a John Travolta moment [laughs].” Bitch, you still said it wrong. I don’t care if he had a glass in his hand or not. He said everything else right. They are so fucking disrespectful towards that little girl. 

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