here are some helpful tips for dealing with people who have memory problems and / or dissociative spectrum disorders:

do:

• please be patient with them when they ask you what seem to be incredibly obvious questions about their own personal details, history, or actions.
• please be willing to reassure them that they exist and are real people.

do not:

• please never lie to them about their own personal details, history, or actions, even to tell them a kinder version of the truth.
• please do not feign ignorance of things that you do not feel like dealing with at the moment.
• do not ever state or imply that they do not exist, or pretend not to know them if you in fact do.

your friend is incredibly vulnerable to manipulation and gaslighting. if they trust you enough to ask for your help in filling in memory gaps, chances are they are willing to trust your accounts of events more than their own memories. this puts you in the unique position of being able to blow your friend’s head up in incredible ways if you even imply any of the following:

• an event that actually happened that your friend remembers did not in fact happen
• an event that did not actually happen that your friend does not remember did in fact happen
• that they do not exist or are not a real person. yes, this includes members of multiple systems.

please be very aware of your position of power in this regard and be very careful with the trust that your friend gives you.