Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.
If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.
His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.
Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.
THIS IS IMPORTANT. And I am so glad the original poster recognized this manipulation and decided to speak up about it.
This is exactly what we’re talking about when we urge our young readers to stay away from relationships with large age gaps. We’re talking about an imbalance of power that makes these relationships unfair from go and can often be a slippery slope for other types of abuse.
Also, if anyone tries to make you feel badly for how THEY feel about you: whether it’s your age, your intelligence, your authority; know that it is a gross manipulation meant to put you on the defense as well.
