I just found out that Stephenie Meyer's genderswapped republication of Twilight had its characters go from Edward and Bella to Edythe and Beaufort, two names so astonishingly funny that I had to leave the desk and pretend to examine a display so my supervisor didn't see me laugh
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
A really good article about how the excessive focus on cleaning/surface transmission of COVID-19 has been vastly overemphasized to the detriment of preventing transmission from respiratory droplets/aerosols. In a similar way that a lot of the post-9/11 airport safety measures are 'security theatre' (i.e. they make us feel safer but don't actually make us safer), the overemphasized focus on deep cleaning/sanitizing surfaces has likely taken away from more effective measures to prevent COVID-19 from spreading, giving us 'prevention fatigue' from measure that don't even help much.
Just want to emphasize this part because so many restaurants and bars are trumpeting how much they're cleaning while still having indoor dining
I’d open with its a painting but it moves. (It’s enchanted to move?) Uh, sure. (Witchcraft!) I am stoned. Let’s try again. I’d open with its many paintings put together in succession so it has the appearance of movement. Demonstrate by drawing a simple page flip animation of a fish swimming in the margin of a book. Okay. So this buff cat. You see the cat’s head on the muscular man’s body? (Is this an Egyptian god?) Uh, no. It’s just like, we don’t have that shit anymore. I mean, so much time has passed, its pretty much fallen out of the cultural milieu here. (Existential crisis. I get him some tea. He spits it out cuz he thinks it’s disgusting.) ok buddy. So. You good to keep going? Okay so. It’s many paintings in quick succession so it appears to move, and you control its movement. Not the whole painting. Just the cat. He moves around on this landscape. The point of controlling the cat’s movement is like the point of a war game. Loosely. (So you practice war? Sharp nod. War.) Uh, okay. So then, when you get your little man to kill someone, that’s good, right. (What is he doing now?) Oh he’s dancing. You can make him do a little dance after he kills someone. (It’s inappropriate to do a little dance after you take a man’s life.) Okay but it’s not actually — (it’s INNAPROPRIATE. I spit on this). He spits at my laptop.
This is what the Marvel Cinematic Universe looks like to people who don’t follow it.
Yes I AM cranky because I received NO PROPHETIC DREAMS to help me on my quest.
Constructs Laura Kicey
Construct is a series of images of places that do not exist. Their composite parts are the culmination of the ongoing photo-explorations of the artist. Using these photographic pieces, collected over three years, the artist blends together the intricate details of doors, bricks, peeling paint and mortar and gives them a new color and place of their own.
